I Wanna Text You Up

Smtyms I dnt rily unstnd da msgs pple snt 2 me thru da 4ne so I thot t wld b a gd idea 2 pas da msg dat brevty is, in txt msgs, not da sol of wit. So hia I am str8 up, telng u dat dnt b tripn: write the words in full, please!

Ur msg may b kul but sup wit da abbreviations? Credo? Tym? Wat? Ur in a hurry whn txting pples? Wat is hapng is terrbl! Tis a WOMBAT! Waste of money brains n tym!

Dring my bday, I got sevrl ‘H Bday’ msgs! Imagine dat! I cnt w8 4 X-mas coz t wl b sun hia n u cn bet ur ass dat pple wl txt u to ask: Wea u @? Mry X-mas n hppy nu yr!

Grrrrrr! Tll b gr8 2 ctch up. But dnt do it thru sms. Plz! Plz! Plz! I rlly wnt 2 knw hw ur festiv cson is bt not n dat manner.

Nxt al hia anaa guy telng me hw he saw sm chik readn my blog n burstg out laughg. Wat am I mnt 2 do? Bottle ma blog n sel it in spmkts?

Dat wnt sel 4 ril! Ppl cn say, ‘U r da bomb’ bt wnt buy da blog. All I cn prms is da nxt blog ll b kul.

Or my bddy who txts me n sez: Mt me @ Ambsdr Hotl. Let hm thnk abt tht! Why dint I sho up? How cm? Well, I dint undstnd! So he txts me again: I snt mny msgs en no rply fro u!

So hia is da rules! If you mis me, don snt me dos txts dat say: Gawd! Bn mssng u. Cnt blve u dnt no tht! Spendg lotsa tym frm u is no gd 4 mi. I lyk u so much! U mek mi proud 2 b ya frnd!

I wnt undstd! And u cn bet I wont rply wit a txt dat sez: U r not juz ma pal bt ma pearl! Cant blv u lyk me so mch yet am juz a 1ST class guy wearng 2ND class clad in dis 3RD wld city of Nrb.

No. Dis gotta stop! Or sun, I cn picture my boss snding a txt memo to da staff: WHEN @ WAK, DNT RID A MAG! DNT CHT ONLYN!

Undstd? Aaaaah. Tis getg beta! N thn 1 of us will rply: UGTBK :—)

You’ve got to be kidding? To da boss? Dat wld b crzy! Cm on! L8rs!

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