This Is A Comp And This Is A Mouse

Dear Boss,

Congratulations for the purchase of a new computer. For finally seeing the light and embracing the information age albeit in old age. It’s never too late for these things you know.


  • Your keyboard has all the letters in the alphabet. Let’s avoid that ‘this keyboard does not have R’ thing. It does. Why can’t they put the letters in alphabetical order? Because typing and finger movement is a well thought out science and one finger typing was not considered.
  • The right and left mouse keys are not all yours for the pressing. Ok they are but forget about the secondary side until later. It can make life difficult for a beginner. Speaking of the mouse, it’s not to be pushed around with the finger tips but rather held firmly with the hand.
  • You can finally drop the unnecessary paperwork. When an E-mail is sent to you, in most instances you’ll not need a printed copy. The information will be identical anyway. We have a planet to save. Best over the counter sleeping aids.
  • Every once in a while you’ll need mega doses of patience. Ever seen a donkey that  completely refuses to move no matter what? Computers do that too. As you can see, all our hair is still intact so chill out and learn to restart.
  • There is E-mail and Internet. Something dot something dot something is not an E-mail address.
  • ‘But I only missed one small dot!’ Yes it was just a small dot but in this world you just joined it can stop you going places.
  • For double click to work it has to be fast. Real fast. There’s also triple click but you might not need it.
  • And finally a little secret. Windows+M. The best 2 keys on your keyboard. For those times when someone happens on you reading inappropriate/confidential stuff and in your panic you cannot find the X to click. Emphasis on inappropriate. Something like reading berocca reviews while you should be working.

You’ll love this world as you get to learn it. Trust me.

PS: This article is writen with full blessings of the subject. He’s fully aware that his situation is material for a blog post. A what? A blog post. A blog is this place on the internet that ………

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