So a few weeks ago while relaxing with some friends, I was asked to consider talking some sense into a dead beat dad – who for all intents and purposes, had left a poor girl at the traffic lights, literally holding the baby.
I guess I was only asked when it turned out that I actually went to high school with the said dead beat dad. You’ll be surprised how 6 degrees of separation can make the world smaller than it really seems.
I think we were talking about how kids change people’s lives – and one conversation too many ended up with the story of my former schoolmate. The said girl abandoned at the traffic lights is his ex-missus, so you can just picture where this conversation went short of wishing that she had actually been with us at the time.
I’ll plead the 5th amendment right here on going into the specific story of this couple for the simple reason that there’s a very high possibility that they will be directed to read this post.
I don’t consider myself a marriage counselor, but for what it’s worth, I thought that this once, I’d provide a public service based on my experience and that of my peers. If it helps even one girl to make better choices in men – or convinces even one other guy to take care of responsibilities, then the post is most definitely worth my time.
It’s certainly easier than sitting down to talk sense to – you know who.
Girls, here’s 5 Stone Cold sure fire ways to identify a dead beat dad from a mile off.
1. Follow your instincts
God gave you instinct to protect you from the evil in this world. Use the damn instincts and save yourself from the world.
The best advice you can ever get is not to get yourself into certain situations especially when all your faculties are telling you that it’s plain madness. Your body is wired to be selective and to use any stimuli it can to detect what is inherently dangerous for you.
You have signs all over that only you choose to ignore: habits, what he says, what he doesn’t say, what he does, the choices he makes, the risks he takes – even his scent gives you an indication about how dangerous the proposition is.
Let’s get one thing out of the way – you’re not going to totally avoid danger. There’s no such thing as zero risk. Everything you do is risky.
Even for a guy, looking at a girl’s ass is risky because it presents options not previously available. For a girl, the risks are different. I’m just saying listen to your instincts and minimize that risk.
2. Follow your instincts again (ground hog day, huh?)
Of course we live in a world where warm blooded males and sassy females have raging sexual hormones so it’s inevitable that you’re going to get laid.
Having made that choice, you still need to exercise a level of ruthlessness that will put Jack Bauer to shame.
Simply put – unless you’re totally convinced that the man you’re shagging is material for being a decent father – never let him anywhere near an ejaculation. It’s his right to blow his load, but it doesn’t have to be inside you.
There’s a very big difference between boys that you want to get jiggy with and satisfy your sexual desires, and daddy material. For the former, you can pick up any rough neck from wherever.
But unless you’re sure the dude is made of daddy stuff – bullet proof yourself from conception even if you have to use a cocktail of birth control methods at the same time.
My point here is that the choice of who you have unprotected sex with is not for legislation. Just make sure if anything goes wrong, he’s someone who you can take home to your parents with a modicum of self respect and explain yourself.
3. Love is over-rated
When it comes to bringing up kids, there’s absolutely no place for romance. Your relationship with your man has little or nothing to do with the day to day responsibilities of raising and caring for a child.
It’s a full time job 24-7. Contrary to folklore – love will not conquer.
Bringing up children will test you in all the ways you can think of. It will make you scream, it will make you cry, it will make you curse. Focus on the fact that it’ll make you happy and provide you with something to live for yada yada yada.
Let’s get one thing straight – even your mother can’t prepare you for the drama your children will unleash on you. Your mother has already had her share with you and your siblings and if anything, she’ll be laughing because of all them times you gave her grief.
There’s a lot you can already tell about how your man will cope with the responsibilities of bringing up a child. Does he have selfish habits? Does he still think you can both go gallivanting around town and hanging with the boys and stuff? Does he look at you with that ”how do I change this diaper” face? Does he roll over and fall asleep oblivious of the sleepless nights the kids are unleashing on you? Does he find it strange that being a father involves things like – giving the baby a bath and reading to them?
Love has a place in relationships, but this isn’t one of them.
4. It’s all around you – don’t ignore it
The bachelor pad tells you a million things a guy will never tell you. Everything from how clean the toilet to what he has in the fridge is a message.
There’s something wrong with someone who’s driving a luxury car with all the trimmings, yet he doesn’t have enough toilet roll in the house or the stuff in his fridge expired 4 months ago but he hasn’t noticed. The car seats are more comfortable than his sofa, and the walls are overdue a lick of paint.
You can tell a lot from how often the dude changes his sheets, to the extent and immaculate way (or not) he has wired his surround system in his bachelor pad.
Kids cost money – don’t let anyone lie to you and you can tell a lot about how a guy can cope with the financial responsibility by observing how he spends his money.
The point here is that the signs that a child will throw a monkey wrench into dude’s whole programme are there to be seen.
5. If he says he doesn’t want a child – listen to the bastard
I couldn’t be any blunter if I tried. He’s not ready. So, just move right along and find yourself another guy.
The years and time invested so far with him can never justify the heartache you’ll put an unwanted child in.
Cut your losses and run taking comfort from the fact that it’s better to have loved and lost than to have spent your whole life masturbating. It could be worse – believe me.
And guys, don’t worry – I have my own personal tips about how to totally avoid the dodgy broody girls you have to stay miles away from.
Unfortunately, they don’t come with signs written ’Certified Psycho’. Fatal attraction is nothing compared to what these girls will do to make your life hell.