“…And by the way, I had lunch with your mum”

Experience has shown that there are some statements that trigger absolute fear and paranoia in the male species when uttered or suggested by women.

Let me give you a few examples:

  • “When you look at me, what do you see?” – (Read: WTF! What the hell do you want from me)
  • “Sweetie, we’ve got to talk…I missed my period” (Read: OK!?! What does this mean – do you think its possible that there’s any other explanation apart from the fact that you’re suggesting you’ve conceived)
  • “It’s OK dear…I brought my toothbrush”) (Read: Oh shit! Next its the underwear, earrings, shoes, and then the pictures – I can deal with the others…but God! The pictures – that just has a feeling of finality)

But the most dreaded, and believe me it happens – is when she nonchalantly mentions that “Oh! By the way, I had lunch with your mum”, hoping that you won’t notice.

Case Study 1:

Let’s call him Adundo (clearly not his real name, but he’ll understand my sarcasm in using this name). Adundo is a very good pal who lives in America, and recently met this girl who for the sake of expediency (both are likely to read this blog post), I’ll say had a booty call arrangement with Adundo.

This past December, the girl jetted to Kenya for a long planned Christmas break, and just returned to the US. It was during that excitement of being back and racing for the usual dose of booty that the girl decided to throw in the “…by the way, I had lunch with your mum” thing….

Unsurprisingly, Adundo’s next conversation with his mum was somewhat uncomfortable especially with the mum adding fuel to this unplanned camp fire with suggestions like “She’s a nice girl you know, very intelligent and she looks like she comes from a good family”

…Or “you know Adundo, back in the day, we women were not that forthright and it was up to the man to show an interest and make the move towards the next step”….

Adundo is still traumatized of course as to how this girl pulled off this ambush – but I keep telling him, don’t look far! Your sister is a probable conspirator, especially if she pretends she doesn’t know a damn thing.

Case Study 2

Steve was doing his masters in London and had planned to go back home soon after. I was with him at a party where he met this lovely lady who was on holiday in London, but soon to return to her duty station (she’s Kenyan but worked abroad). One thing led to another and a holiday romance blossomed with Luther Vandross’ philosophy of ‘Love the one you’re with’.

Before Steve could say the word ambush – his sister back in Kenya was unleashing congratulations and praises. “Your ‘girlfriend’ came home and met mum…she’s really nice, and I’m glad you told her where I worked otherwise she wouldn’t have found us”…LOL! “She even bought mum a really nice present from Malaysia – mum loves it”….”So are you going to marry her?”

I don’t know if girls realize that there are some ambushes that are totally unacceptable, below the belt and totally unsavory.

And they can be pretty convincing too, evidenced by the fact that the guys mums wax lyrical about the prospective daughter in law…what happened to the good old fashioned days of courting where a couple were left to their own devices without drafting in a guy’s mum? LOL!

At least give a jamaa a chance to turn you down before drafting in reinforcements – coz’ clearly, once the mum is on the case, it becomes the topic of all conversation when you make the weekly, fortnightly, or monthly call home. “How is the lovely lady doing? I hope she’s taking care of you very well – she said you sometimes don’t eat well”….WTF!

God forbid she drafts in the guys father too LOL!….C’mon girls, play fair on our brothers.

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